


Stuck-On Cheese

by TennantsLittleKitten



Series: The "Changes" Verse [9]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, F/M, Summer 2016, fight, relationships struggles, telling the squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:40:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28782840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TennantsLittleKitten/pseuds/TennantsLittleKitten
Summary: Sometimes “the best intentions are fraught with disappointment.”
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Reader, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./You
Series: The "Changes" Verse [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657336
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Stuck-On Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> I really, really like this one. I contemplated the idea of how Sonny would reveal that he was in a relationship to the squad and then this idea came to me. I suppose I'm an angsty writer, but I honestly felt that this plot was necessary to progress the relationship. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you like reading it too :)

_Sonny’s gonna love this!_ There’s an extra little bounce in your step as the thought runs through your mind.

Entering the squad room again feels so nostalgic. It’s where you met Sonny, and for that, it will always hold a special place in your heart.

Carefully clutched in your arms is the purpose for your visit – a bag of Tupperware housing a steaming slice of Mama Carisi's lasagna. What's special about this particular batch however, is that _you_ made it.

After Sonny phoned you earlier in the day saying he wouldn't make it home for dinner, you called up Mrs. Carisi and she gladly dictated her infamous lasagna recipe to you. You thought making one of his favorites, complete with delivery, would be the perfect surprise!

Marching towards Sonny’s desk, you greet all the familiar faces. Despite not having seen them in a year, Sonny’s incessant stories made you feel as though you had been around every day since you left.

“Hi, Fin! Hey, Amanda! How’s Jesse?” you rhyme, cheerfully. But instead of having your friendly addresses returned, you’re met with puzzled looks on confused faces.

Then you see Olivia. She emerges from her office to lean against the doorframe, surveying the bullpen and your arrival.

“Uhh…nice to see you…?” stammers Rollins from where she sits at her desk. But you can tell from her inflection that she doesn’t understand what’s going on.

Your voice grows meek. “Is Sonny here? I…brought him supper.” You turn to glance at each and every face that surrounds you, yet all turn up with blank stares.

The world starts to spin. Your throat tightens. Your stomach churns. You feel the thud of your pulse hammering in your ears.

_Does no one know? Did he not tell them that we’re together? It’ll be a year in November!_

Rollins’ voice slices through the silence. “We figured Carisi was dating _someone_ but we just didn’t know who. It makes sense that it’s you though since you seemed to hit it off pretty well.”

You can barely make out Fin's retort through the ringing in your ears, but the words _I told you so_ and, _pay up, Amanda_ come across loud and clear.

Your body draws itself close in attempts to make yourself small. You wish you were anywhere but here. This revelation feels like a huge slap – except your face doesn’t sting, your heart does.

 _Why wouldn’t he tell them?_ You question yourself. _Why? Why? Why?!_

Lieutenant Benson repeats her words, dragging you back to reality. “He's in an interview right now,” she gestures to the two-way mirror behind her, “but I can get him for you if you’d like.”

Your brow furrows. The Lieutenant’s voice is laced with…with… _pity_! While you whole-heartedly respect her, you _hate_ being pitied.

“No… _No_ ,” you say firmly. Everything is a daze. Anger bubbles up inside you.

You toss the lasagna on Sonny’s desk a little too forcefully, mumbling out a _good to see everyone again,_ before turning on your heels to leave.

It’s surprising that you’re able to make it to the subway since your vision is blurred by tears. You try your hardest not to let them fall, dabbing the corner of your eye with your pinky to soak them up. It feels as though you are on autopilot, somehow getting off at the right stop and making your way back home – well, _Sonny’s apartment_ , you suppose.

You enter, lock the door and fly pass the kitchen. The supper dishes sit abandoned in the sink, cheese hardening on the casserole. But none of this even crosses your mind as you head straight for your bed.

The tears now flow freely, doubt preying on your mind like a raven plucking at roadkill.

 _All this time and not even one mention of me?_ _Sonny had been so excited to introduce me to his family…All the ‘I love yous’. Is it because he’s afraid of moving too fast?_

Time slips away while you drown in your thoughts and so, when Sonny’s keys jingle in the door, it causes you to startle. That sound once filled you with excitement and would lead you to greet him with a giant hug and sloppy kiss. Tonight though, you have no will to move. Your body feels heavy, yet hollow and you shrink under the covers, pulling your knees to your chest.

You hear a clunking noise belonging to Sonny setting down his things and locking away his gun. Your heart rate picks up. You wish he would just leave you alone, but of course you know that won’t happen.

Your intuition is confirmed by the shuffle of feet crossing the apartment, drawing near to the bedroom door. The nob twists and the door creaks open. Refusing to look, you shut your eyes tight, awaiting the inevitable.

"Doll?" the familiar voice says. A few seconds pass before you feel the foot of the bed dip. Sonny softly speaks your name.

This time you cautiously look over. Your eyes are puffy and your face is tear streaked. You shift in place, sitting up ever so slightly to face him.

Sonny's features are wrought with distress. He hates seeing you like this. "Don't cry, please," he begs.

But instead, you snap. "Don't cry?! Why? Is it _normal_ for someone's boyfriend to keep their relationship a secret for almost a year?" Sonny opens his mouth to speak but you talk over him, emotion pouring out. "You spend most of your life with these people; people who are so _important_ to you, yet don't even think to mention the person you ' _love_ '." Immediately you know that the air quotes are a low blow. Sonny winces. "What, keep me a secret in case things don't work out? Or…or maybe you just enjoy living a double life!"

"No!" Sonny protests, his voice tainted with frustration. "That's not it at all!"

"Then what is it, Sonny?!" Your anger is at full peak. "I _told_ you about my insecurities. I _told_ you that I've been led on before and just how much it hurt me. If what we are is just some trial period, I need to know. I...I can't waste time loving someone if they don't love me back. I just can't. Not again." Defeated, you let the tears flow unable to control them.

"Doll," he urges. "I _love_ you. I truly ‘n honestly do. More than anythin’ in this world! I meant everythin’ I said to you before. You're the one person who I can be myself around ‘n who loves me for everythin’ I am. You're the most important person in my life ‘n it's for that very reason why I haven't told people at work about you!" Your face crinkles in confusion. "We see some pretty _fucked up_ cases." His language shocks you. “Yates, for example. Psychopath. We're their enemies, ‘n because they're so…so...so _fucked up_ in the head," he raises his voice, "they'll stop at nothin’ sometimes. Hell, even Lieu got kidnapped ‘n tortured a few years ago! One little vulnerability,” Sonny snaps his fingers, “’n they've got their in. A way to manipulate ‘n get revenge. And I can't have you be my collateral." Desperation rinses away the anger in his voice as he sits there on the edge of the bed before you.

You stare in shock as he exposes his greatest vulnerability. His blue eyes are pleading, needing you to understand. "If there's no trace of you at work, then no one can ever harm you. No one can ever take you away from me. _Please_ understand that."

This is all so sudden and confusing and, despite his rationalizing, it irritates you. “I don't want to be protected from you, Sonny!” you argue. “I know your job has risks. You've accepted them and by being with you, so have I. Liv and Amanda and Fin are all so important to you, so why keep me from them? I can't live like that. What if, _God forbid_ , something did happen to you?” your voice strains. “How would I know? Second- or third-hand news from one of the other Carisis? How do you think that makes me feel? Maybe I am insecure about whether or not I deserve love, but I've gone all-in when it comes to loving you. I need to know you've done the same."

Sonny groans in frustration. "I _have_! A long time ago ‘n I've neva looked back. I wanna share all the good things with the squad ‘n tell them how in love I am. I wanna tell ‘em everythin’ about you. I want your picture on my desk, on my phone, in my wallet. But I'm _scared_. Hidin’ you has been the only way I can make sure I don't lose you. But...but if you want...if you're okay with the risk... _Okay_.” Sonny exhales. “I don't wanna push you away. I need you more than you could _ever_ know.”

His words go straight to your heart. “I don't want to fight, Sonny,” you concede. “I just felt so... _humiliated_ when I walked in there today and no one knew why. Like I was some cheap, secret fling."

Sonny hangs his head, voice growing soft. “I'm sorry. I shoulda told you about them not knowing. I shoulda told you why. I just didn't think. Please,” he looks at you with those big blue eyes, “I don't wanna fight either. Will you be able to forgive me? Is this somethin’ we can overcome?” You can see how scared he is. His jaw flexes and he swallows nervously. Sonny truly is worried that he’s created a rift between you that's too great to mend.

But you nod out a ‘yes’ because you love him and he loves you. His intentions were in the right place even if he didn't think about how it could affect you. The blame however, is neither all his to own. You instantly jumped to conclusions and assumed the worst. It’s a trait you've always hated yourself for, having gotten the best of you too many times in the past.

“I’m sorry too,” you admit, trying to convey your sincerity.

Offering you a gentle smile, Sonny inches closer on the bed, opening his arms. You shift forward and he wraps you in a warm embrace. _This_ is where you belong.

Fresh tears escape your eyes and dampen Sonny's shirt. He tilts back to look at you, blue eyes soft and loving. You reach up, caressing the side of his face and he leans into your touch. Slowly Sonny bends his head and kisses you, lips offering silent apologies. And in your kiss is forgiveness.

When you part, a sniffle escapes you. "I've gotta go and wash those dishes, otherwise the cheese will never come off."

Sonny lets out a lighthearted laugh. "C'mon, doll. I'll help you." He then stands, rolling his sleeves up to his elbows.

The evening passes with the sound of clinking dishes and sloshing water filling the tiny kitchen as the two of you work in tandem to wash away what remains of the stuck-on cheese.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is loved <3


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